Diary of a sick black woman: part 3

Another day another diagnosis. I’m feeling pretty stressed out today. I’m having conflicting messages from different surgeons. The first surgeon that came to see me said that this pain that I was feeling, the pain that is worse than my original pain, is expected as a possible side effect of the procedure. I was told there was nothing to worry about and it would wear off. My concern is that I had a new pain. I have pain in the front of my legs where I didn’t have pain before. My original injury is in my spine at L5 / S1. This means that the pain I have been feeling all these months, and continue to feel, is down the back of my legs into my buttocks. Having woken up to a pain in the front of my legs I was terrified. I kept crying out this is different this is a new pain. I knew something had gone wrong. But maybe I’m just being paranoid and maybe this is how it was supposed to be.

A different doctor came in with two junior doctors. When I explained to her the pain I was feeling she talked over my head to the other doctors between themselves. She stated that pain in the front of my legs is inconsistent with an injury at L5 that would only be consistent with nerve damage at L4. She then turned to me and said it was possible that the pain relief injection that was injected into my spine may have pushed some fluid upwards and agitated nerves at L4. This makes sense to me but then it would seem as if they did something wrong and they would need to fix it. The today it’s been a different doctor completely and he has said to me that the pain in the front of my legs it’s just a natural part of the procedure. He’s also said that he believes the pain in the front of my legs may have been caused by lying on my front during the procedure and having compressed my femoral nerves. So now I have three different theories as to why the pain is in the front of my legs. And I have zero plans from any doctor as to how to reverse it.

It’s another day of waiting for physio and physio not coming , but that’s fine I’ve been out a few times again with the wheelchair and I believe I’m getting pretty good. I’ve started wondering if people can use a wheelchair if they’re able to walk. I had always thought that somebody who use the wheelchair must be paralysed. And would it be wrong of me to use a wheelchair if I was able to walk, albeit only a few steps. My furthest so far is 4 steps, but the use of the wheelchair has allowed me to go to the bathroom by myself when I want to, to go and have a shower without someone attending to me. I’ve been down to Marks and Spencer’s to peruse the shelves and bought myself some mixed nuts and a local newspaper. None of the things could I do without a chair. However, I’ve been a bit paranoid that people might think I’m faking paralysis. All in all it’s been quite a boring day on the ward. I decided to switch it up and I had an all-day breakfast for dinner and with my cup of tea in the day I had bourbons instead of custard creams. I’m living dangerously.

I’m going to have to find something to entertain myself while I am immobile. Possibly writing elaborate and nonsensical blogs…

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